I just went by the Muse message board. Bad, bad, horrible, horrible idea... I should have just forgotten all about the existence of the message board. Because now, I am upset. Surprisingly, unexpectedly, upset.

I'm upset because I just found out that 2 people met Muse on the day of the concert, after the thing ended. They were spotted at Loof and the bar at their hotel...

I have no idea why I'm so affected by the whole thing. I just am... It wasn't even my intention to meet them in the first place. Like I mentioned 10million times before, I just wanted to watch them and have a memory of Muse that is not like the DVDs I have. I guess if I had met them, I might have felt better about how the concert turned out.

I saw the video for Knights of Cydonia on MTV just now...

It's such a silly video...

*grins*

I am in awe and super inspired. I was privileged enough to be invited to Monofone's private 'gig' last night, together with Hui, Rachel and Yan Ping. Haha! The four of us felt extremely exclusive, like a bunch of tai tais.

Anyway, Monofone is VERY GOOD and VERY TALENTED! They play excellent Muse covers... Ohh my goodness! I thought I was at the actual concert, just that the voice was different. And we were not drowning and asphixiated. Also, there was no fear and panic in the air.

They also played four of their originals. And those were good too! I have to say, I'm not really into local music because those that I've heard so far, are not impressive. But Monofone... My goodness! Their songs have depth and the melody is beautiful. 3 out of 4 songs are darker and more depressing. Only the last one was happier and more up beat. Let's see... They started with the more instrumental version of Sylvia, then came Out For Last, then Embrace End and lastly, Vanity Bits (if I'm not wrong). Sylvia, Out For Last and Vanity Bits can be found on their myspace site: (here) Unfortunately, my favourite of the lot, Embrace End, is not. Love that song... It's so... depressing... But good nonetheless. You should really go check them out!

They happen to be a very nice of people as well, very very nice! It was great fun to hang out with them. They left me speechless and extremely inspired to pick up guitar, seriously. I feel so honoured to know them and be in their presence (haha!). I really hope they go far! Baybeats '07 everyone! They got into Baybeats! *confetti for Monofone*

It goes without saying that I got damn pissed off. I tried to find other things and people to put the blame on. Why is my school system so fucked up? Why wasn't there a more direct way of informing me of the change? Why didn't anyone tell me about the change?

Then I realised, I only have myself to blame. Which doesn't make things a whole lot easier to deal with because I'm particularly hard on myself. I didn't have anyone to tell me about the change because I was and probably still am, anti-social. I only have one group of friends who happen to major in something completely different. My school system isn't fucked up, it is the most direct way for notifying changes. I was just too lazy and forgot to check. I assumed that the schedule would remain unchanged.

My school doesn't actually suck. It's the events that happen there and what it reminds me of that does. I remember being depressed in school, a lot. I hate the people in it. It reminds me of my insecurity around people and that annoying contradiction about having friends. It reminds me of all the stupid little personal issues I have to deal with. That's why I hate that place, it's just too negative for me.

And I have to go back there again later...

I have wanted a tattoo since goodness knows when. And I have spent quite awhile trying to think of a tattoo design for myself. I came up with one last year I think but it couldn't be done unless it was bigger and I didn't want it any bigger than a 4cm by 4cm. So I had to modify it.

And it went from this... Pardon the pencil and the liquid paper marks :/

And here's what it looks like drawn on me...

Here's the new one...

Nice? Please feel free to comment. I really like the modified one. I've been drawing so many different versions of it but I never liked any of them because there was always something wrong with it. Except for this one. I really hope the new one can be done. Now I just have to decide on a spot. Keep it on my wrist? Or have it further up on my arm near my elbow... Hmmm..

There's a lot to be considered. I shall look at it everyday and see if I have a change of heart. And how do I hide it from my parents? I have to get it after Chinese New Year because that's the period of time where I have the most contact with them. Where to go to get it? Damn, if only I was in Miami. Ohh wait.. Do I even have the money to do it? Haha! I think I do...

In school today, someone unexpected spoke to me. It's this guy in my class whom I thought was not bad looking... BUT... I'm not impressed. I'll leave the details out because goodness knows who reads my blog. But anyway, good looking but I'm so not inpressed...


The letter was sent out to LAMC yesterday. And we got a reply today! I'm very glad about that. They apologised and assured us that future concerts will be well managed. And that the whole crazy, senseless moshing will not happen again. The best part about it was, my friend whom I wrote the letter with received a phonecall that made all of us fans buzz. LAMC called her and apologise again. AND, here comes the important part, she said that Muse asked about the moshing situation! They realised that people were uncomfortable and close to dying! THEY CARE! Awwww... I'm so happy! I'm so glad they realised and they were actually concerned about us! I can't wait for their next gig!


February is going to be a good month. Besides Chinese New Year being in Feb, the 6th and 7th are important dates! On 6th Feb, MTV will be playing a Muse Videography Special. On the 7th, Muse is re-releasing Black Holes & Revelations. AND Subway is apparently having a 10cts sandwich day! For selected sandwiches only that is and Cold Cut Trio is one of them! Ohh my goodness....!


I listened to my first Muse CD in a week! And I was fine! Better than fine! I loved it! I love Muse! No matter what shit happened during the concert, it doesn't matter. I still love them, I still love their music and they still inspire me as much as they did even before the concert.

I was just in a bad state of mind to handle anything. Strange though... How much change I feel. Comparing last week and today. Last week, I was a complete wreck. And today, I'm buzzing with happiness. I've had my time off and I didn't need a month to mourn! ;) Yay! *confetti for me*


I'm so thankful to my new found fellow Muse fans! Talking to them on the message board and the turn out of the letter really helped me cope with the situation. It's really cool to find people who had hell moshing and who understand what I went through. I would love to be at their next gig with them! At least I know we'll be looking out for each other! :)

Whatever it is, I'm really happy about it! *buzzes*

Great news everyone! Progress...!

I sang to a Muse song today. Knights of Cydonia.

I was walking with my sisters at Citilink. Celine randomly started singing the song and I forced myself to sing along too. It wasn't easy though because while I was singing along, I was thinking about the concert and how I got out of moshing during that song. But hey, it's an extremely funny song and really enjoyable to sing to.

And I kept mentioning Matthew Bellamy today... How to put clothes together to channel Matt Bellamy. Celine was talking about Dominic Howard and how she could put clothes together to channel Dom Howard. Haha!

I decided today... That whatever I do, I will definitely be reminded of the concert. So it's just a matter of getting used to it and not getting upset when I actually think about it. I have to remember that no matter how the concert turned out, they're still my inspiration and I love their music. And focus on the next time they come around because... NO ONE'S GONNA TAKE ME ALIVE!

I made really good progress today. So I'm really glad! I went from singing Knights of Cydonia out loud, to thinking about their other songs like Feeling Good, Hysteria and Sunburn. Yes... Sunburn. The song I never thought I could listen to again. Hee! And yes... I'm starting to feel good.

I am very thankful for the Muse message board and all the comments/feedbacks that people added. It's comforting, really, to know that the experience was as tough on them as it was on me. I was surprised that people were so nice and understanding about my situation. And of course, I'm very thankful to all my friends who were there with me to share my experience and my tears. :)

I'm very very glad that there is going to be a letter to LAMC which will include all the bad expriences that some of us had. Our intention is not scold them or demand for an apology. It is just to let them know that they made a mistake in planning and did not foresee the chaos that eventually happened. I do hope that with our letter, and I'm sure there are others who also wrote something to them, future free-standing gigs organised by LAMC will be safer and way more enjoyable.

I just realised that with all my complaints, I'm not sure if mentioned this but... Muse sounded awesome live! Yes, it's so fantastic that it's probably adding to my depression.. Haha! They weren't a let down at all. According to the feedbacks from my friends and whatever the heck I could see, or rather, remember, Matt played really well and his voice was flawless. Dom played the heck out of his drums and looked like he was having tons of fun. And Chris looked good and of course, it goes without saying that the bass sounded really wicked.

So yes... The greatness of Muse adds to my depression.. Because I still can't believe and can't accept the fact that I missed their GREATNESS...


Something happened last night that I did not expect. I was out with the girls, Szu Harn, Gwen, Kaien and Candice. Such a rare chance for us all to meet up, unfortunately, Nadiah wasn't there. :( Anyway, we took many pictures, which I will post soon.

Point is... We were all in Kaien's car, driving to our supper spot and we were tuned in to the radio. Suddenly, this really familiar music comes on. Starlight. I didn't realise that it was the song until Matthew Bellamy's voice came on. And almost immediately, my heart sank and I got all emotional again. Damn. I thought I was on my way to being able to handle it. Apparently not. *sigh* The experience affected me way more than I thought.

Hui is now able to listen to their music non-stop. I can't. I can't even imagine myself listening to it. It breaks my heart... As much as I miss listening to them, I can't. I was in school the other day thinking about the setlist, trying to figure out what songs I can listen to, and what I can't. And to my surprise, I can't listen to any of them! -_-

As much as I am broken on the inside now, I believe that in time, I'll be able to get over it. And be able to fight for a kickass experience the next time they come around. I will NOT give up my front row spot. NEVER.

I still can't really deal with the whole situation...

I was out yesterday and by the time I got home last night, I was sure I was feeling ok. At least alot less emotional. But I was wrong... I woke up feeling angry this time. I'm not sure angry at what. Probably at the unfairness of it all and the fact that I didn't have the experience of my life. Well, technically it was the experience of my life, but in a very bad way.. *sigh* I can't seem to get over it and I can't stop thinking about it.

My sister told me that people posted some stuff on the Muse forum so I went to see.. And I was very glad to find out that other people had similar experiences. I sort of feel better but for some reason, I just can't get over it. My very first Muse concert on home ground, ruined.

But for some reason, even though people complained about it, they still managed to have fun and enjoy it. And how come I can't? Even though I was lucky enough to have caught their sound check. Maybe because I queued early? And had this expectation that I was going to be able to see them really upclose? And I completely freaked out in the process? And maybe because they've got a huge huge effect on me?

Whatever it is, I can't deny the shitty-ness I feel inside. But I don't want to whine about it when I've technically been luckier than others. DAMN IT!

It was an utter disappointment. Not because the band wasn't good or because the sound system sucked. The band sounded fantastic of course, that goes without saying and the sound was alright. Better than it would if the concert was held at Indoor Stadium. But it was terrifying and terrible because of everything else besides that. Here's what happened...

Eve of Concert

I went down to Fort Canning with Hui and Rachel to look around. Find out where the main entrance and toilets are. To our pleasant surprise, the band was already there doing sound checks. On our way up the hill, we heard what sounded like distant drum beats and of course, we got all excited. When we got closer to the top, we heard the guitar, went insane and ran all the way up the hill. It was unbelieveable! We went around the venue searching for a nice spot to stand and listen. Eventually, we ended up at the second level of the SDT building which was directly in front of the stage but a distance away. We could see them but couldn't see their faces and they only played music, there was no singing. But hey, it's a good enough sneak preview.

We made our way back down the hill and back to the main entrance where we met our very first group of Muse fans, a bunch of 4 really cool people who have been following their music for 5 years. They are in a band and they play Muse covers. If I didn't rememeber wrongly, they love playing Butterflies and Hurricanes and I love that song. Anyway, we hung around after the band left and got to know each other and our plans for the next day.

Me, Hui and Rachel were totally excited, especially after stumbling upon their sound check. We couldn't wait for concert day. We could only imagine how great it was going to be.

Concert Day

I was there at Fort Canning with Hui at 7.30am. Yup! We're hardcore. We couldn't stand the thought of having other people between us and Muse. But unfortunately, we weren't the first to arrive and we were hoping we would be. It's alright though because we were second, which was cool still. We made more fellow Muse fans and they were really nice people too.

And on to something extremely random... We realised that the concert was held opposite the National Museum of Singapore and from where we were, all we saw was...


Muse-um

Cool huh?
The wait was extremely long. I painted my nails, wrote my letter to Muse and prepared the gift that some of us had for them. Ohh yes, I napped under the hot sun too, went to the bathroom several times and had to fight off ants.

8pm was finally nearing. Me and my friends were the first few to be let in and of course, we got front row spots. I had to get out though, to get Celine because she had school and all. That's when the nightmare started. While trying to squeeze my way back in, I came across a group of fuckers. This group of young Ang Moh punks. They refused to let me pass. And while I was there feeling bad that I had to squeeze pass people and I understand that it's not very nice. But I didn't wait from 7.30am just to be stuck with a bunch of idiots. I tried explaining my situation and they said I was lying. Fuck. A bunch of GUYS bullying 2 girls. I curse you, all of you for being the fuckers that you are. I hope you NEVER find yourself a decent girl and remain alone and pathetic for the rest of your sorry lives.

I was desperate of course and started to panic. But Celine was there with me and I had to keep it together for her. And thank goodness I have wonderful friends who were trying to yell at everyone around them to let us pass, but of course, no one budged. They managed to get one of the security guys in front to help us out. So we got away from the idiots and managed to get in from the front. Thank you nameless saviour, I was supposed to take a picture with him but I never did. Thank you to the people who were kind enough to let me pass, not everyone were idiots. And the moment I was safely back with my friends, I broke down. I was just so thankful that I got Celine safe and I was so so afraid that all that queuing will amount to nothing.

So we were all at the nice spot with my beautiful banner ready to go up. Then all hell broke loose. People from behind starting pushing not only forward, but left and right as well. And because it was a slope, the people infront had the weight of others and gravity against us. It was so fucking scary. It went on for awhile and I wanted out but I didn't want to give up without a fight. Everyone around us, basically whoever was in front started yelling for the back people to stop. That didn't work and we tried pushing back which didn't help either. Celine was right in front, between me and the barrier. And the poor girl had to handle all that weight and she's damn tough but she couldn't take it. Apart of having to handle the physical force of all the idiots, she had to deal with fear. Fear of getting hurt, getting crushed and it's definitely not something that a 15 year old can handle.

It went on for the longest time and I swear, my ribs and my lungs were being compressed and squashed by everyone. Being behind Celine, I tried to push back to relieve some of the weight she had to withstand. Of course, being the small framed person I am, I couldn't help much. I really thought something was going to happen. I thought I was going to go down or pass out. Or worse, one my friends will get hurt or even worst, something happens to Celine. Security people at the front were actually lost. They didn't know what to do to handle the situation. They said that there was nothing that they can do. Don't bullshit me. There's definitely something you can do. The absolute worst thing that happened was the photographers who were there to take pictures of the psyched up crowd. And in the moment when people were in anguish and being squashed, they still continued taking pictures. What the fuck! Why the fuck would you need pictures of people in pain and distress?! Put your fucking cameras down and help! Another bunch of fuckers...

The concert started. Muse came on and opened with Knights of Cydonia. I didn't get to see anyone. No Matt, no Dom, no Chris. All because I was trying to keep myself breathing. I saw flashes of Matt's face but that's about it. Celine got out, I went after her and Hui get out after me. Celine was so scared she was crying and shaking. And that was it. Three die hard fans got kicked out and missed the whole show. All that queuing for nothing...

For me, the whole point of me being right in front was to marvel at Matt's skills. After all, he plays the heck out of the guitar and piano and he's the one who inspired me. I wanted to watch him play and feel his awesome stage presence. They didn't get to see my sign and I felt like I was watching a DVD. Celine was there to see Dom and she didn't get to. They played a fantastic mix of old and new songs. They played so many songs that meant alot to me. They played the songs that I danced to in '05. They played Sunburn! I didn't get to see his insane fingers that seem to have a life their own and are detached from his palm. The moment I heard the starting piano bit, I just broke down and I never stopped crying even after. I was so pissed and upset and crushed, literally. All this because some fuckers refuse to stop pushing. They were just so uncaring towards other people's welfare. Fuck them. They didn't deserve to be there. All I ever wanted and all that I ever wished was just to be able to have a great view of them, watch each of them do their thing, have the time of my life and be inspired on a completely different level. And have a non-DVD, live experience. All that, taken away from me... All that waiting, just to be thrown out far far away from the stage.

This is by far the most painful and difficult post to write and I never thought I would say this but I have to stop listening to Muse for awhile. I just can't. It reminds me of this horrifying day when my hopes and dreams were crushed, I was completely disappointed and not to mention, extremely scared. It was an extremely emotional and traumatic experience... One of the worst nights of my life.

So please, if you can, try not to ask me about it... You already know the depressing details...

My uni girls and I had a very belated Christmas gift exchange on the first day of school, which was on 10 Jan. Hehe! Anyway, the concept of the exchange was we each had a list of top 5 things we wanted. We'll randomly pick who to buy for. So basically, whoever's name you choose, you have to get something from the top 5 list. There was a budget of $20, so you can get as many things, as long as you stay within the $20 budget. :)

And look what I got?! I got the Incubus CD and candy coloured guitar picks! NICE! The guitar picks are of different thickness somemore. So cool! Absolutely love my gift! Thanks WeiQin! :)

~*~

I went out shopping for stationary (is it with an 'e' or 'a'? I can't remember) for MUSE concert. I got a nice black box to dump in all the fan mail and other gifts for them. A really sturdy white cardboard as my banner for song dedication.

Cool huh? It turned out really nicely. And I was quite surprised that the lip looked good. I suck at drawing lips see, not that it's important or anything. Hee! I am praying and hoping for the following things...

1) I somehow find a way for MUSE to receive the package. LAMC didn't reply! So I guess I've got to bug a backstage crew on that day. It doesn't even matter if I don't get to pass it to them personally. I just want them to get it because there is going to be some pretty important things in there.

2) They see my pretty dedication and play Sunburn for me. The song means so much to me and if they play it, I'll just break down and cry and probably not remember that they played it and cry even more after. Haha!

3) It doesn't rain. The weather has been so unpredictable! Please don't rain between 8pm and like 10pm. It can rain like crazy before and after that time, but just please don't rain when the concert is on. Or my banner will get soggy, everyone's going to fall sick and it's going to be absolutely troublesome. But of course, even if it does rain, I'll still be there :)


Man, she's going to kill me for posting that! Anyway, back to MUSE. While preparing the poster and planning and stuff, it suddenly occurred to me that the concert is really going to happen. The reality of MUSE coming didn't set in until today, when all the preparations started. It's official, I'm beginning to malfunction...

I was just surfing around other people’s blogs and everyone has posted something about the new year. So I shall do the same…

Usually, I can’t be bothered to reflect on the year and so on because it doesn’t take a new year to reflect on things. It should be a constant thing. To me, it is technically not possible to go by an entire year, 365 days, without reflecting and evaluating yourself, situations, issues, etc. So every Dec 31st is like any other day. Just that the day after, when you write the date, the year is different. Ohh I forgot! There’s fireworks on the 31st, so that’s enjoyable, but everything else stays the same. You don’t miraculously become smarter, wiser, issue-free, better looking, thinner, richer, etc.

Despite that, I have decided to reflect upon ’06 because it’s a huge year for me. Here’s why…

2006

Dance:
I was part of ensemble for a year. Notice the word ‘was’. Yes, I’m not a part of them anymore, unfortunately. I am honoured to have been a part of 2 of their concerts though. I attempted to publicise the bigger scale one by getting up in front of my entire (sick) class, which scared the living daylights out of me. I had back-to-back items, which almost killed me. But what was important was I learnt a lot about myself as a dancer. Fabulous group but I’m just not right for them, so I’m on a dance holiday now.

I took part in 3 concerts. 2 with ensemble and one with SAJC. I liked that SA one, it's always a pleasure to dance with all my SA friends

I met Wei Qin, Clara, Yuen Ling, Hui Yi and Hui Ching, along with other unpleasant humans

Freaked out about my studies in Sem 2

Took the triangle plate down

Crashed my car

Plunged in and out of depression

Fell in love with MUSE

Started to wear a lot of black

Found a whole new passion for music

Bought a keyboard

Discovered the beauty of Starbucks

That's all I can remember for now. But wow! Looks like 2006 was a great year, don’t you think? Haha. Nah… It was really bad, my worst year yet. Let’s hope it stays that way. There are a lot of adjustments in ’06, many issues I had to deal with and I am still dealing with them. I’m really glad it’s over actually and it’s comforting to know that ’07 will definitely be different but better. I'm hoping for it not to be as crazy as '06. And it helps that the MUSE concert is in Jan because it will be a rocking good way to start the new year!

2007

I’m looking forward to…

MUSE concert
Getting a tattoo
Going for more piano lessons


And I’m so not looking forward to…

Missing dance
School *throws up*