Saturday, April 22, 2006
Exam on Monday..
Can't get myself to study..
Getting depressed and frustrated..
Somebody help me?
9:07 PM
Friday, April 21, 2006
Free ice-cream day..
mug, Mug, MUG..
Free ice-cream day..
mug, Mug, MUG..
i slipped and fell at home today.. Ouch..
mug, Mug, MUG..
-_-
2:25 PM
Saturday, April 15, 2006
sometimes, i feel small. i feel like im nothing. i feel like the world or (smaller) the people around me will not do any different if i wasnt around. don't worry. im not suicidal. im just thinking about some stuff.
some issues have come up. and i voice my opinion. but im not heard. its a long story. or rather,i just don't want to go into details about it. when actual issues come up,i want to be involved, i want to speak up. coz i can handle it, i know i can. or i can work with people to make things better. but im not given the chance to.
i cant blame the people who will not give me the chance. i have to blame me. for keeping myself away all the time. i've been given opportunities to stand up for what i believe in, to say what im feeling and to take on responsibilities. but i was too shy. and i was scared. scared of people making judgements about me. im afraid of what people will think of me. but that was then. and im not like that now.
i don't care anymore. i dont want to hide in one corner and let others do the things i have to do for me. i dont want to hide behind people anymore. i want to take on more responsibilities because others feel that i can. i wanna be able to say what i want to say without feeling like im gonna be judged. even if someone were to be judgemental and annoying. so be it. i dont care. i dont want to care. its ALOT easier said than done man. im getting there, but im still working on it.
and about this ongoing issue which im not included in,i was upset about it before. but i decided that its ok. people dont know that i've changed. im learning to step out of the shadow. im learning to feel empowered to do things for myself and be the best that i can be. and i guess people will realise one day that im not who i used to be. coz i didn't like who i was. oops!
don't wanna feel small anymore. dont want to be a mouse anymore. i dont want to hide anymore. i dont want to be scared and embarrassed about who i am anymore.
~*~i see you and i get angry.
i see you and im reminded of the way you used to treat me and i totally did not deserve it.
i see you and i remember that you hold the record to giving me the WORST birthday in the history of my life.
i see you and im reminded of the time i wasted on you.
*sigh* im pissed with you. i detest you. i dont like the person you've become coz i dont know you anymore and it makes me wonder why you were even in my life.
im not angry with you coz im still in love with you. (EEew NO!)
so i dont understand why im still mad at you. when your name is mentioned,im reminded of everything. when i see you, im reminded of everything. and i cant live my life being angry at you. i cant live my life being afraid of seeing you on the streets.
you dont look like you're affected by my presence. i dont mean anything to you anymore. and neither do you mean anything to me. so why am i still angry with you?! why do i not want to see you?! why do i detest you so much?! are you so terrible a person now for me to hate? why do i even care?! why am i affected by you? Fuck.
11:40 PM
you know how when you've had a bad day. and you're home and going to go to bed. and you think to yourself 'tomorrow's gonna be a better day'.
ohh goodnes.. that's not the case for me.. had a bad day yesterday. felt all miserable. and i went to bed thinking that today is going to be a better day for me. but no. i was wrong. terribly wrong..
woke up this morning and felt exactly the same as how i felt last night before i went to sleep. great. i woke up miserable. im tired and generally miserable.. i felt like Marvin. the manically depressed robot in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy..i think its the result of my period.. great.
Don't i just love being a girl.......
1:32 PM
Friday, April 14, 2006
they're sitting on my shoulders now. or maybe just now. don't think they're there anymore. they were doing their thing. trying to influence me. the battle between the good side and the bad side.
i am suppose to be studying for OB (Organisational Behaviour). it's theoretical. with alot of reading to do, my entire OB text which consists of 18 chapters. great. i'm so behind my study schedule now.
here's the thing. i've been trying to study the entire day. and i cant. i felt and still feel completely un-motivated. and i don't know why that's so. i was very motivated a week ago. when i was studying for accounts. now all of that motivation has gone down the drain. *sigh*
when i woke up this morning, i told myself to start studyin after breakfast, which was about 10 am. then, i started watching tv. till 11am. and at 11am, i decided to play Sims2 and study after i get back from lunch. happily went out and had good lunch. came home at about 4ish. procrastinated somemore. then decided that i would study after dinner. and of course, that never happened.
i wanted to study so bad! but i couldn't get my ass up to do it. *sigh*
Me : i need to study. i so need to study.
Angel : yes you do. you can do it. slowly slowly. you know your studies are important to you.
Devil : Silly Angel. you should know that she's not feeling too good right now. with a flu coming and cramps. she's not up for it. Cyn,go relax today. you need the rest.
Me : ohh yeah. i'm in a foul mood. im crampy and i feel like crap. but! i NEED to study.
Angel : shut your trap, Devil. did you hear that? she NEEDS to study. stop tempting her with rest. she'll get plenty later. rest is not her priority now. studying is. right Cyn?
Me : yeah..
Devil : Aiyoh! think about it, if you don't rest now, and you do fall sick, how? how are you gonna study tmr? and the day after that? and the day after that? plus, even if you do study now, nothing will go into your head right?
Me : right..
Devil : see? precisely my point..
you get the idea.. my inner struggle.. *sigh* thankfully, my elder sis came along and introduced me to an episode of Freakazoid which i have never seen.
yes Freakazoid. has anyone ever seen it? ohh its fantastic. completely nonsensical and cheesy, in a good way. i used to watch it when i was younger. like in secondary school i think. i remember waking up in the morning on sundays to catch the show.
my favourite and most memorable Freakazoid moment was when he had to do down into the sewers to catch a villain. and first thing he sad when he got down there was :
'Woah! Smells like poo-gas down here!'
haha! Sweet! so anyways, i watched this episode called 'Dance of Doom'. featured villain : Cave Guy. he's Hulk, only he's permanently big and blue, not green. ohh and he's a genius. he's intelligent and subcribes to The New York Times. so he speaks very fluent english in a very high class manner.
go watch it people, if you need some entertainment. i waould usually provide a direct link. but remember, im in a foul mood today. so im not gonna do that. :)
and by the way, i think the Devil won. im not studying.. its 10.57pm.. and i havent studied shit the whole day.. great. im so frustrated with myself......
and just something really random to end off, remember the song by Gary Jules? Mad World? i love it.. and there's a particular verse i really like.. its very sad and depressing but i like it anyway..
Children waiting for the day they feel goodHappy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
10:23 PM
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
yes i am.. bored of staying at home all day and doing work. there's a limit to how much i can take in a day. and i think im reaching that limit. or maybe im just lazy.. hee!
on the good side, i finished goin through all my accounts stuff. *mini confetti party* im getting an accounts overload. need to unwind. need to stop sitting on the uncomfortable surfaces at home. the chairs in my house makes my butt hurt after awhile. -_- ok that's not the point.
point is, i think i need to go out. meet my friends and play. so why don't i just go do that? well, coz i feel bad. i've still got quite some stuff to cover. and everytime i take a break i think about doing work. (WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?!) so imagine what's gonna happen to me if i were out and there's no way i can return to my notes. yikes... im soooo...... conscientious... havent been in awhile.. feels somewhat unnatural..
so.. besides accounts, i did a wee bit of computing. my assignment that's due on thursday. the thing i dont understand is, why they gotta give us assignment when exams are like 2 weeks away (ohh my god!)? i thought all will be done by the time exam break starts. but no.. have to give assignment. so when im fretting about my exams and trying to figure stuff out, there's this voice at the back of my head constantly reminding me of the silly assignment. so today,i decided to go through the stupid thing and get it over with. turns out, there's nothing much i need to do! what i have to do have all been done at school. cool! i just need to write a few short reports. -_- half-yay!
did you know? you can rip music off of cds?! well, i didnt know that! till just now! when i was fiddling with the Jason Mraz cd. i stuck the cd into my laptop and the comp gave me a list of things to do. so i misread the 'rip music from cd using windows media player' as 'play cd using windows media player'. something like that. that's how i discovered music ripping. silly yeah?! yes yes. i ended up entertaining myself today by searching through all the cds that i have and feeding my laptop with all the songs that i want. yay! alot of the other cds i want are in the car. and my sis took the car. gotta wait for her to get home!
well, i've got reports to write and more accounting to do! o_O
6:43 PM
Monday, April 10, 2006
What should i blog about today? i dunno man! Let's me share my mundane and completely random experiences!
i woke up today feeling extremely dazed and half asleep. (Note : i was in a state of sub-consciousness the whole day today.) yes yes! and i tried to do accounting. so does not help with the 'drowsiness'. i was totally un-motivated. *sigh* the things accounts does to you. but thankfully,i managed to complete the chapter that took me days to finish.
i went to Harbourfront today. to have lunch and collect my camera, which i sent for repair. had Yoshinoya for lunch. it was good and bad. usually, its good. but today, *sigh*. i ordered the salmon bowl, my favourite. the mayo tasted funky. it was sour and it wouldnt be a surprise if it was expired. but! i had ALOT of ginger! yum! i have never had so much ginger in a meal!
im watching Grey's Anatomy on Ch5 now. its a good show! but i think the one they're pkaying on tv now,is season 2! and i've missed many episodes. so now, im trying to catch it on Starworld instead. hope i remember. ohh yes, i saw an advert on tv just now. its this advert about Da Vinci Code. the show is allowed in Singapore! hooray for all Da Vinci Code fans! anyways, there's a contest on 8 days. suppose to get some code inside this week's issue of 8 days. i want to enter into the contest! so anyone who's got 8 Days, please lend me after you're done with it! because...
the prize is a trip for 2 on a Da Vinci Trial. which means you visit ALL the places mentioned in the book! WAH!! you get to go to France (the Lourve!) and Scotland and some other country which i cant remember. I WANT TO GO!! really really badly!!
Phrase of the day:
"Look at me! I have a teepee!"
11:14 PM
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Ben & Jerry's is pure heaven. for those who have not tried Ben & Jerry's, shame on you! you must go get yourself a tub, or a cone or a cup. its a MUST. its one of those simple pleasures on Earth that you have to try at least once in your lifetime. so if you're planning to go try some, here are the branches in Singapore:
1) The Mother Branch : Singapore Zoo & Night Safari
2) Suntec : Outside Carrefour
3) I heard that there's one at Sentosa! I dont know how true that is, but im gonna go hunt for it one day.
so there! go have yourself a single scoop of Ben & Jerry's. my personal favourite flavour is the Chocolate Fudge Brownie. *Drool* my elder sister's favourite? Cherry Garcia. My younger sister's favourite? Almost everything they have.
New Discoveries
we found out that they have Ben & Jerry's on stick! wow! they've got Cherry Garcia coated with Dark Chocolate. i would wanna try that!
also, we stumbled upon Fossil Fuel at the Tiong Bahru NTUC. it is heavenly! its got chocolate fudge swirls and the cutest fudge dinosaurs and chocolate cookies. wah! SHIOK-ness! you can actually get high from eating just abit of that! its very very addictive, and very very extremely yummy! me and my sisters were digging up the fudge dinosaurs! so fun! and i understood why its called Fossil Fuel. great family activity!
it is amazing how they come up with all these interesting flavours that are sooooooo amazing and fun to eat! i want to go visit the factory in america and get free samples and try ready fresh made ice cream and tour the place and meet the brains and all the people behind the company and try new flavours before they hit the market!
Check out the flavour descriptions:
Dave Matthew's Band Magic Brownie : Vanilla Ice Cream with Swirls of Raspberry & Brownies
Berried Treasure : Chunky Blueberry and Blackberry Sorbet Swirled with Zesty Lemon Sorbet
Half Baked : Cookie Dough Ice Cream on a Brownie with a Thick Drizzle of Milk Chocolate Coatingthese are the flavours i have yet to try and im dying to try! how can you resist when the description is this tempting and this good?! *faint*
10:54 PM
Friday, April 07, 2006
i went to watch V for Vendetta on thurs night with my bestest girls, Hui and Jessica!
the show was great! very political but great! the mysterious V.. Hugo Weaving is an amazing actor. but calling him a good actor for this show just doesnt seem very appropriate. coz throughout the whole show, you dont get to see his face. so there's no expression. just his voice. he's got the most amazing voice. when he speaks, you just want to listen to what he has to say. and he portrays feelings and emotions through his voice. that is what is amazing! i think the cool thing about the show was you somehow would want to look at V when he's around. he's got a certain presense, which is very very cool!
i need to watch the show again! coz i feel like i missed some parts of the show! like when V speaks, he speaks so quickly and his use of words are very hard to understand! so i got lost at some parts and i couldnt rewind it!
so anyways, i have a favourite line in the show! its at the fighting scene (i guess its the only major fight scene). and this is when he's just about to kill some dude.
'Beneath this mask, there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask, there is an idea. And ideas, Mr. Creedy, are bullet proof..'
so cool..
~*~
i had lots of fun with Hui anf Jess! we saw the trailer of Take The Lead. and it looks very very appealing! i wanna watch it! we wanna watch it! and we decided that that's gonna be the next movie we're watching together! wheee!!
i went to Holland V with Hui after that show! Jess couldnt go coz she's got lots of work to do! me and hui had time to catch up and talk about stuff! its always great to hang out with her! laghed so much that day.. talked about loads of things! like sims2, bitch about school, what we've been doing all along.. its really great for me to be able to share stuff with her! its been a long long time since we last hung out! wheee! love u, Hui!!
jessica!!! we must all go out after exams! just sit and talk all day!!! :)
10:35 PM
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Wacko Plans
devised my mother dearest.. my parents have to go pay their respects to my ancestors early this morning. they decided to have my elder sis fetch my younger sis to school. so my elder sis got to go to work late. but since my sis had to take care of her own breakfast. so how?i have to wake up early too. but that's not why im upset..
the reason why im upset is coz i just realised,courtesy of my elder sis, that the whole idea of us waking up is completely silly. i wouldnt have realised if my sis didnt tell me! the thing is, my mum could have left the house 5mins earlier to send my younger sis to school. but no.. must drag me and elder sis out of bed early in the morning when we could have had abit more time for beauty rest!
AND! our car was a huge mess when we got to it.. here's the story..
Welcome To The Annual Poop Fest 2006
its an occasion where (almost) all the birds in the world gather on one tree and do target practice! this years' chosen target is a gorgeous red Sirion! all the birds are prepared and constipated and ready to poop anytime! great! so the event begins..
at the end, the results were analysed and it was clear that poop landed mostly on the top and the windscreen! near the driver's seat! what a mess!
Yay birds! great job! the event was a success!
(Due to the graphic nature of the event, no photos were allowed to be taken.)
-_-
9:22 AM
Monday, April 03, 2006
so im blogging using my laptop! wheee! its really nice! and really empty! there's nothing much in it! but i'll get games up soon! once i get it back from my friend! whee! and right now,im 'stealing' internet connection from some unknown person staying in my block somewhere! sooooo bad! but its only for awhile!
for the SA dance concert this year,Dewi's gonna be choreographing! and i like it when she choreographs! coz there's always meaning to her dance! and so will this year's one be! anyway, the point is, she put up her song on yahoo groups! and i managed to listen to it! its got 2 songs! and i love love love the first one! when i played it,i found it extremely familiar! then i found out,i heard it while watching CSI! and i liked the song when i first heard it! its by Gary Jules.. originally by tears for fears.. very funky! it was released in the 80s! hence the funky-ness! anyway,this version is great!
and guess what?! i found out how to put videos into my entries! hooray for me! ohh yes! and this post is inspired by my sis! she wrote about! and i thought i should too! and at the same time,figure out how to insert videos!
so check the song out! its really nice! and sad! i love the music! the sound of the piano.. here's the lyrics:
Mad World
6:33 PM
Sunday, April 02, 2006
deserve to be spanked..
i hate it when people think they're fans of some popular singer when all they know are the songs that they play on the radio.. thats not considered fans! so when you ask them, hey do you know this and this song? (the song that's on the album but not played on the radio) they go, huh? what song?
some people get to have free tickets to a concert that my younger sis is a huge fan of.. i feel like its very unfair for my sis.. coz she's a huge fan! but she didnt get the opportunity to enjoy it fully, ie. stand right in front of the performer and rock on to every single song coz she knows every single song of theirs..
so i hope the person who got the free tickets better have enjoyed the concert and from that day on,listen and enjoy and like and familiarise yourself with every single damn song on the album.. the free tix better not have been wasted on some idiot who doesnt appreciate the music apart from those on the radio.. same to those who got backstage passes to meet the performers.. coz i know someone who for sure will NEVER let the free standing tix and/or backstage passes go to waste!
10:59 PM
my sister downloaded this video online that day.. its a spoof of Laguna Beach.. the reality show on MTV that features really rich kids (Note: money is not theirs,they just spend it).. the girls look alike and you can never tell them apart.. and they all talk the same.. "Blah blah blah LIKE its totally blah blah blah and i just can't Like stand it." they're mostly very bimbotic.. and everytime i watch it,there's some party.. there was some fashion show thing and prom.. and they are ALWAYS made up.. and they totally cannot talk properly! i never understand the stuff they're saying!!
so anyways,back to the spoof! its called 'Laguna Bi-otch'! and the reason we even watched it was coz Jason Mraz was in it! Hee! Geek in the Pink.. yes! its damn funny! totally entertaining! they made the characters stupid!! heee!! ohh ohh! and Mraz says : Your negative attitude penetrates the atmosphere like a disease! ohh so funny!
anyways,here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_foIlD_hZCY&search=laguna%20bi-otchand today,i found out that i have an inner bimbo/inner-laguna-beach-girl! its on purpose by the way.. i am not actually like that! yup! so i was all stupid but i still think im damn smart! heh!! its fun to make fun of people!! :)
~*~today.. on the road.. there was a black Getz on the road.. and.. at the back there's a sign.. that says :
IM A HUNKgreat! AND! the best part about it,he's soooo totally not hunky! EEEEeeeew! even if he was,he's still eeeew! coz he's soooo full of himself!! EEEEEeeeew!
~*~i have studying accounting for the past week! its frustrating! sometimes i think i get,but sometimes i don't! and right now,im just really tired.. my brain ain't absorbing anything im reading! *sigh* im behind schedule! suppose to finish goin through accounts by this thurs.. but judging from my progress,i don't think i can! ohh well! i have no choice but to extend my accounts studying period.. Yikes..
~*~i finally saw Jason Mraz's latest video on MTV! Geek in the Pink! everyone i've been in contact with has seen it! even non-Mraz fans! and me,a Mraz fanatic hasn't seen it! but thankfully,i saw it today! wheeeee!! its a silly video!
the past few days, THE song that's been playing everywhere i go,i Mraz's song.. Plane.. its a really really nice song! and i love it! and i hear it at least 5 times a day coz my younger sis likes it.. and she wants to know the lyrics and be able to sing along.. and Mraz is known to sing very fast.. so we cant catch half the lyrics in the song! so how? she play and play and play and listen and listen and listen.. well,im not sick of it! i still stop and listen/sing along everytime it plays! but im just afraid that i'll get sick of it! too much of something ain't good for ya, ya know!
~*~i had really good food today! my lunch was mince meat noodles at Fortune Center! and a big plate of fruits after that! goodness gracious! and for dinner,i went to Queensway Food Center to eat 'Zi2 Ca4'.. heh! i cant spell it! anyways,its damn nice! there was fried rice and sting ray and pork and kailan (oh my god the kailan!) and cray fish and some fried thing and sugarcane juice and mutton soup! WAH! very nice!! but it was spicy!! and im not say a HUGE fan of spicy food.. but it was still really really good.. and satisfying!! Yum..
~*~ohh! i just remembered that i bought 2 pairs of shoes that day! no! don't freak out! its shoes that i need and shoes that i've been looking for, for the longest time! i needed.. a pair of casual slippers coz mine sort of broke! that was only $16 bucks! reasonable! BUT it bites my feet! i got many burst blisters! boohoo! the other is a pair of pumps! i've been looking for pumps since last year! and when i found it,the smallest size was 36! and its too big for me! so i gave up on it! but that day, my sis was looking at a pair of heels from the shop that sells the shoe i want.. and she asked the sales lady what the smallest size was.. and she replied 'ohh.. 35..' so i said 'how come they've got 35 for heels and not pumps?' then my sis convince me to go ask! then! it turns out,they have 35!!! and it was e last pair!! and all along,i thought they didnt have it! bleh!! but im glad i found it! i wont need anymore shoes for a long long time! :)
10:10 PM
