Muse tab books! Above is an example. It only has got guitar tabs but they've published books that has both piano scores and guitar tabs. Only problem is, it's only available in selected countries and unfortunately for me, Singapore is not one of the selected countries.

There's a book for every album up to Absolution. The book for Black Holes & Revelations was recently released in November! Aaaaahhhhhh!! *sobs* I have to go to travel to somewhere for a holiday and at the same time, hunt these books down...

My parents decided to pack food for dinner today. Man! It's the best dinner I've had in very long. We had fried rice, cabbage and this miracle of a dish. It's pork chop done by hainanese. Sounds ordinary? Hardly. It's served with this sauce that I swear is from heaven. I have no idea what it is but the good thing is, it was a generous amount. It was enough to fill a large soup bowl. When the porkchop is eaten with the soup-sauce, it's............. I have no words to describe the goodness of it. I wanted to cry because it was just too delicious. I think you can actually get high from eating that.

I have to find out where it is and thank the owner...

I managed to pass Semester Two and I am going to do Semester Three this coming January.

I'll be doing History of Management Thought... -_-
Prices and Markets, which is some econs thing... I hate econs by the way, but scored quite well in Sem 2. So let's not complain...
And there is Employment Relations. I have no idea what that is, so let's not complain about that either...

What scares me the most is my major, Marketing. It's not the module itself that scares me. It's the fact that I have to go for classes alone. My friends are all taking a different major. The thing about it is I know for sure that I will not be able to tolerate doing any other major besides marketing. If I did, I'll be the most depressed and miserable person. BUT... I'm the worst people person ever. I feel uncomfortable and self-conscious under EVERY situation. I have forgotten how to make friends. And the very thought of everyone else having their own groups just kills me. I picture myself a loner, hidden away in one corner of the lecture theatre...

I don't mind being alone I guess. But I think about having group projects and I panic. Or not having people to approach when I have problems understanding the module. Yikes! I don't want to not do well just because I don't have friends in the same class. It's ridiculous and pathetic. And I have a confession to make: I have no interest whatsoever in making friends during Marketing. However, I need people, for the sake of my academic well-being. Call me evil.. I don't care. I shall not discuss why I don't care about making friends, it's a long story.

Before I stray off topic and start dissing people... Yes... I'm scared of Marketing. I don't want to be alone and yet I can't be bothered to make friends. Or I don't know how. Man, that's fucked... I hate school!

I recently started piano lessons. As of now, I’ve had 3 lessons, 45mins per lesson, which makes 2hrs plus worth of piano lessons. I’m very pleased because I’ve had good progress. Now, the only thing missing is a keyboard for me to practice with. I hope I get it soon. *hopes and prays*

Anyways, since the camp, everyday has been getting more and more miserable. I have nothing to look forward to when I get up in the morning. I sleep in, don’t work, don’t dance and don’t go out. From what I remember, I’ve only met up with my friends once since the camp ended. It is pathetic. I really have no life. I can’t say that I can’t wait for school to start because I hate school. Apart from playing guitar everyday, there’s basically nothing else I do. The only place I go to will be my parents’ office. Man, that’s damn sad. I want to go out but… 1) I don’t know where to go. 2) I don’t know what to do. 3) I’m really short of cash to do anything. -_-

It makes me more desperate for a keyboard. I think I’ll be happier with a keyboard compared to guitar. That’s because I’m going for lessons so progress is assured. But for guitar, I feel so stuck. I don’t know how to get better. *sigh* I really should search for more songs or some guitar book for beginners or something.

I've got to find more stuff to do. Period.

I just made a huge realisation today. I don't want to go for dance camp. I'm seriously dreading it. The only workshop I want to go for is the Yoga workshop that is offered. BUT.. I'm going to miss that because of fucking re-enrolment at my (full of wonderful policies) school.

It's surprising that I'm dreading dance, considering I love it so much. Don't get me wrong, I still love dance. But I'm not happy in the group I'm a part of. I'm honoured to be a part of them and I think they're a fantastic bunch of dancers but I'm just not as into dance as I was before anymore. I think I'm just in the wrong group. I feel out of place, as I always have been with a lot of other people. My passion now, is in something else that is not related to dance.

To make things worst, I have to do ballet. Once every week. I honestly hate doing ballet. Ballet is beautiful to watch, but I'm not a ballet person. I tried it once and I totally hated it. I felt so awkward doing it. It's something that I wish I never have to do again. I'll just watch and be amazed at all the graceful and strong dancers.

I'm really just dreading the four days of intensive dance training. I'm just looking forward to Friday and the weekend. I'll feel a greater sense of achievement then. I really would rather do anything but dance. I don't mind watching dance and dancing abit in my free time. I just don't want to be made to attend the whole camp and dance for 4 days straight. Fuck. Why the sudden change of heart?! I feel more like I'm going to meet a bunch of old classmates that I haven't seen in 10 years. That same dreadful and awkward feeling..

Just the other day, I had some sort of a breakdown. Again.. A different kind of breakdown from what I usually get. That day, I had waves of emotional breakdown. I would sit and suddenly, I would just cry. There'll be this sudden and intense sadness and I would just cry. It has never happened like that before. I got a little shocked myself. It wasn't until later in the day that I found out why I was so upset.

I suddenly had doubts about myself. About my personality and about my abilities. Everyone wants to do great things in life and I'm no exception. But then I thought: Maybe I'm not actually as capable as I think I am. Maybe I will end up living a life that I'm trying hard to avoid. Maybe I won't be able to achieve what I want. Maybe I'm going to end up working in an office without windows. *gulp* Cliche saying: I want to live the life that I want to live and be the person I want to be. Surround myself with (non-materialistic) things that I love. Like music and dance, food, fabulous friends and family and have tons of travel memories, etc etc. But I felt like maybe I can't do all of that. I'm going to graduate from SIM, work in some crap ass company and live a terribly mundane life. That will be my biggest nightmare.

People will tell me 'No la! Won't one..' But will one lor. If I don't believe in it myself. That's the thing I realised. It's not that easy to be self-assured and be consistently motivated to strive for what you want. It can be quite tiring after awhile. I had this mentality that I don't need reassurance from people or I don't need people to believe in me. But I do. I realised that I'm constantly hoping for people to compliment me. And it does help your morale a whole lot if you had someone who believes that you are not ordinary. I'm not saying that I don't, but I have certain dreams that are not exactly supported by the people in my life. And for some reason, I keep thinking that I can't do it! I just keep thinking that I need people to tell me constantly, 'You can do it one!' I told myself not to rely on others but sometimes I really don't believe that I can live up to my own dreams. *throws up*

I'm almost having a battle with myself. A part of me is trying to be everything that I want to be. But the other part is bringing me down and making me doubt myself.. Why like that? -_-


On a lighter note, I passed my exams! And in my opinion, I passed relatively well. I'm very suprised that I did better than I expected. *confetti for self*

I almost forgot what it feels like to have a bad day where everything just isn't going well. Woke up fine and have a rather good breakfast. Then lunch came. No one's home. Celine's off in school and it's a monday, so my maid is out cleaning my parents office. I thought I could meet Celine for lunch but she had some last minute meeting so she's settling her own lunch. Tried calling my maid, but for some reason, her phone was off. Feels to me like no one cared about whether there's anyone at home. Until I got pissed off..

MUSE is coming for a concert! OHH MY GOODNESS! How excited am I?! Undescribably excited! I have no words to describe how excited I am! It's going to be the higlight and concert of my life! It's soooooo going to ROCK! What a fantastic start the new year.. And I already got tickets to the show! All I have to do is wait for January 16 to come..

The wait is painful...