once again,im left with e same qn i had long long time ago.. wat am i to do with my pathetic life? i got a letter today.. probably e most impt letter of my life.. whether i get into NIE or not and whether i can be on my way to fulfilling my dream.. all lies in one letter.. 3 absolute strangers decided whether i shld be allowed to get into NIE.. and e ans is NO..
again..
why? wat did i do wrong? did i say something wrong? did i not give and/or show wat was required? why? why didnt i get it? i noe i deserve it more than half e ppl who r there rite now! i noe i deserve it more than half e ppl who got thru e bloody interview and r on their way there! why? i dun understand why! if its because i NEVER relief taught,then its all BULLSHIT.. i dun need THAT to teach! DAMN IT!! i tutored! or was tutoring! not getting it e second time is worse than e first..
wat am i gonna do now?! there's nothing worse then feeling so lost.. and not knowing wat to do next.. i cant afford to sit home and do nothing again.. and wait for e next chance.. i cant live off my parents.. my bank account is shrinking.. i cant go on living my life like tt.. with nothing to do.. i noe tt alot of ppl will tell me to go find something else to do.. BUT if it was so easy and so simple,i wouldnt be where i am today..
i have quite a few ideas on my mind rite now.. but im really confused.. and really bitter.. i've wanted to teach since as long as i can remember.. so now tt e one path i want to take is like blocked,i dunno wat to do next! event planner? im not sure if im up for tt.. hospitality? im not sure if im up for tt either.. modelling? bleh.. being a part of a famous band? dun even think abt it.. so wat am i left with? temp jobs.. office jobs? kill me.. so wat other temp jobs r there? subway again? no way.. (i still love it though..) even if i did get myself a temp job.. it still doesnt help me.. i still dunno wat i wanna do as a career.. fashion design? $$.. try teaching again? 1) i've been havin doubts.. 2) im not sure if i can take another rejection..
i dun wanna do something tt'll make me depressed.. whether it is temporary or not.. i refuse to do tt to myself.. i refuse to let myself get up in e morning,drag myself out of bed and to work.. and come back all -_- coz i hate my job..
so how? *sigh*
