i can NEVER count on ANYONE for ANYTHING.. its been like tt since forever.. NO ONE can EVER do anything with me or for me tts meaningful or potentially life changing..
just to name a few examples.. i cant even get my own sister to stay home with me for an afternoon.. or even 2 hrs when e sun's still shining.. i cant count on my fren to go back to sec sch so i can sign up for relief teaching job.. i cant seem to get ANYONE to go for some fitness thing with me.. pilates,yoga,yogilates,anything.. one thing tt i definitely cannot count on for 10yrs of my life? proper longtime frens who do not judge.. ppl who r not annoying and irrtatingly uncomprehendable.. cant count on anyone to keep pathetic me company..
i've wanted to screw everyone and everything.. ya noe? just heck and live like i was e only in e house or on e face of e earth.. but i cant.. its in my nature to WANT ppl arnd.. i like company of ppl.. ppl i love.. my frens,my family.. i love talking to them.. talking rubbish or stuff tt we feel or think.. but rite now,im feeling more alone than ever.. everyone's got their own thing.. i have NOTHING.. i noe tt i've mentioned before tt im gonna be doing something in e near future.. but e pass few months and e months tt r coming up,r goin to be hard.. and i have a feeling tt when sch starts,im gonna be swarmed with stuff and still feel alone.. alone as in without company.. NOT in need of a boyfren.. everyone's gonna be busy busy busy.. i HATE being alone.. i cant even eat alone.. i feel pathetic..
all my life,i've had ppl tell me or promise me something.. but in e end,they go back on their words.. shall not mention primary sch since i cant remember anything abt it.. sec sch,i've had ppl tell me tt im their best frens.. and awhile later,they tell me they cant accept me.. all my life,i've had ppl tell me 'we shld do this one day..' or 'let's go do tt!' but we never do.. i always hope tt we do.. but we dun.. and all my life i tot it was me.. i tot tt its coz i wasnt e one who 'organises' an outing or an activity.. i tot i was like uninitiative.. i tot it was me.. tot I was e problem.. i still think i am though.. and i have no idea where im goin with watever im saying.. im just spewing watever's on my mind..
WHY AM I SOOOOOOO DEPENDENT ON PPL?!?!?!?!?!
